Three-year-old Grace skipped among the gravestones where wind and rain had blown some of the flowers out of their containers. She declared, “Grandma, I want to keep these flowers.”
Reading the name on the gravestone I replied, “This stone says Joseph was a father. I think his children put these flowers here to remember him. Let’s help his family and put them back.” “Ok,” Grace agreed. Together we put the flowers back in the container.
When we stood back up, Grace looked at me thoughtfully and said, “My Daddy’s sad today because his Grandpa died. I’m sad cause my dog Max died. I want to pet her again.”
Then she ran to her Dad and hugged his legs. We had just attended the Memorial service for Grace’s 89-year-old great-grandfather. He and his wife had been married 68 years. The photos displayed generated sharing of fond memories.
Bittersweet! Expressions of sadness concerning this deeply loved man and a cherished pet focused on the pain of loss. Expressions of love, hope and encouragement focused on the gift of faith, family and dear friends.
At the celebration of life gathering later, great-grandmother shared stories of how she and great-grandfather met, as well as stories of the last several days before he died. She ended with, “We had such a good life. I never wanted it to end. It hurts so bad.”
My years of hospice experience helped with my reply, “The pain and the tears are good. It’s healthy to keep telling those great stories of remembrance, as well as expressing your pain. Your healing will come.”
I’ve learned listening to people’s stories concerning the pain and blessing of life doesn’t have to be painful for me. It’s not my job to fix any of it or make it better. The prescription for celebration and healing often comes in the telling of life’s stories to a sincerely caring listener. And if the person is open to spiritual encouragement, a gentle reminder that God loves to listen may help.
God is good and He is with each of us through our celebrations and our sorrows. Loneliness and heartache evaporate as I share my pain with Him. As the conversation progresses, God’s comfort takes over and my heart begins to celebrate with thankfulness.
It takes courage to explore painful losses and the emotions they provoke without blame. The heartache is not meant to last forever. Bitterness from the loss should not be allowed to set up housekeeping in our grieving hearts.
Telling my stories with thankfulness helps me to move through the dark valleys to the wide-open places of sunshine and divine possibilities!
Even when I walk through the dark valley of death, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me. You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies. You welcome me as a guest, anointing my head with oil. My cup overflows with blessings. Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the LORD forever. (NLT: Psalms 23: 4 – 6)