My mind scrambled to process what my ears were hearing from the 50 something, frail, weakened hospice patient. Lying on his cot in a run-down cramped vacation cottage, (we will call him Ed), Ed spent the better part of my hour-long visit confessing some of the darker deeds of his past life.
During the past month of visits, Ed had become weaker, and soon would need around the clock physical assistance due to metastatic lung cancer. To my delight, I had observed Ed making an effort to spend time with an eight-year-old daughter he barely knew. It was rare to witness a person accepting the reality of impending death and work on the unfinished business of relationships with loved ones.
But now, Ed seemed willing to work on much deeper heart issues and needed to talk about a life spent in anger, rebellion and the often-consequent wrong doing of stinking thinking. His story included addictions, womanizing, grand theft, violence and murder bringing prison time.
Struggling with my cascading emotions of shock, judgment, and compassion, my eyes locked onto a Bible lying on the floor beside his cot. “Thank you Lord”, was my silent prayer. “Now show me how to affirm Your grace and forgiveness for Ed.”
The room was silent and peaceful as Ed came to the end of his story. “I see you have a Bible,” I said. “ Have you been getting to know and make peace with God as you have been doing with your daughter?”
“Yes, the visiting chaplain has been sharing the gift of telling God my regrets and hopes; and to believe God is good and forgives those who ask for forgiveness sincerely,” Ed said with relief. “The chaplain said it’s never too late.”
I responded, “There is a verse in James that says, ‘Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.’ I believe God wants to heal your heart and give you peace with your own self, your loved ones and with Him. What do you think about that?” Ed looked at me soberly and replied, “I would like that very much!”
Ed and I talked to God together that day. I thanked God for the opportunity to be used as His tool of healing. Ed died peacefully, several weeks later. I thanked God also for affirming for me the importance of keeping things right in relationship with Him, others and my own self through sincere confession and forgiveness.
“Finally, I confessed all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide them. I said to myself, “I will confess my rebellion to the LORD.” And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone. “ Psalm 32:5 NLT