Unique, beautiful and loved, is what the creator says about His created. As I allowed Him to plant this truth deep in my heart, I began to gradually let go of pride and arrogance. It’s not easy to submit to a master unless you know that master loves you unconditionally and has some really beneficial wisdom for you.
I’m learning truth becomes a part of who I am when it’s practically applied in the process of my life; trial, error, suffering, challenges and my backs up against the wall kind of living.
It was one of those stifling hot August days and even the palm trees seemed to droop with fatigue and perspiration. Soaked with sweat, I was experiencing one of those throbbing headaches that start at the back of the neck with tightness and then extend as a helmet to the forehead. Most days I prided myself in being able to manage stress with little wasted emotion and plenty of strength to help others. As a hospice nurse, shouldn’t I be ready with unshakeable physical and emotional assets for patients and caregivers to learn from and lean on?
Not so today. As I pulled my car into the office parking lot, my quiet thoughts revealed a crack in my unshakeable demeanor. I’m thinking, “Things are falling apart at home. My husband and I can’t get through the day without arguing. Our daughter is complaining of frequent stomachaches with stress being the physician’s diagnosis. It’s 5 PM and I still have one more home visit. The patient/family situation there is a mess! These heavy supply boxes in my car have to be left at the office and there is no one to help.”
Standing in the hot empty asphalt office parking lot, I slumped against the side of the car. I felt alone, beaten, trapped and at the end of my rope with the many responsibilities that I allowed myself to carry without complaint. “There has to be a better way of living this life. God help me.” Those words were murmured with closed eyes hoping the moments of shutting out the bright sunlight would bring some relief.
Then I heard voices and footsteps. My opened eyes focused on two twenty something young men approaching me wearing button down shirts, cargo shorts and pleasant appearances. One of them asked, “Do you know where we might find a church that is holding evening services tonight?” Flustered I replied, “I don’t know for sure but the one in the next block might be.
The other then asked, “Something we can help with?” With a great sigh of relief I said, “You have no idea how helpful your offer and timing is! I need to get these heavy boxes into the office and everyone is gone for the day.” “ Be glad to do that”, the young men replied. In 5 minutes the boxes were carried into the office and I was no longer feeling so alone and overwhelmed with the rest of the responsibilities of the day.
I thanked the men profusely and locked the office door. Turning back moments later, they were gone. I ran out to the sidewalk and then the parking lot. Gone!! It was impossible for them to walk down the sidewalk and across the parking lot in the moments it took me to lock the door.
“Where did they go?” I said out loud. Then I remembered, “I asked God to help me.” My next dawning thought was, “Were those two men angels sent by God to help when I asked for help?” What an unbelievable thought but yet; the men were there, moved the boxes from the car to the office and then they simply were not there! God really heard me and answered in a quick and wonderful way.
A sense of God’s love enveloped me the rest of the day and the headache eased. To my surprise, the last visit revealed a peaceful patient and family. I was greatly impacted by this occurrence to make some changes in the way I thought about God, my dependence on Him and communication with Him. This painful day brought with it a brilliant lesson. It is wisdom to include God humbly in each days challenges cause He is wisdom.
“Listen to me! For I have excellent things to tell you. Everything I say is right, for I speak the truth and hate every kind of deception. My advice is wholesome and good. There is nothing crooked or twisted in it. My words are plain to anyone with understanding, clear to those who want to learn. Choose my instruction rather than silver, and knowledge over pure gold. For wisdom is far more valuable than rubies. Nothing you desire can be compared with it. I, Wisdom, live together with good judgment. I know where to discover knowledge and discernment. All who fear the LORD will hate evil. That is why I hate pride, arrogance, corruption, and perverted speech. Good advice and success belong to me. Insight and strength are mine.” Proverbs 8:6-14